Damage: Part 2

I am so livid after finishing the book. I cannot believe that Martyn was the one that had the most awful consequence when he did absolutely nothing wrong. I wanted the narrator to be exposed so that Martyn, Ingrid and the entire family would know the truth. Anna is such a cold-hearted woman. I do not feel bad for her for one second because after Martyn dies she literally just walks away from the situation and goes on with her life. She is able to find love again and have children and sadly Martyn dies too early to experience any of these great moments. Why would anyone give Anna the joy of having children.She only cares about herself so how can she love her children and teach them right from wrong?

Its sad to even begin to believe that this happens in real life, but it does. I'm happy that the Ingrid let the narrator "have-it" and she told him that he should have died. She really tries to make him feel guilty and makes it known that it was all his and Anna's fault. The narrator should have known that this wouldn't turn out could but he was to consumed with Anna that he blocked the warnings off.

What made me even more angry was the little if no respect he had for his own blood, his son. As if having an affair with his sons future-wife wasn't bad enough he meets her the night before her wedding. Like really? it is a tradition that the groom not see his bride the until the wedding day so I feel that Anna and the narrator take advantage of that... DISGUSTING! Now he must live with this fateful day. Although it seems like it doesn't take such a told on his life because he explains that he hurt for the loss of his son and also the loss of Anna in his life. CAN ANYTHING HAPPEN IN ORDER TO MAKE THIS MAN SEE THAT WHAT HE WAS DOING WAS WRONG???? I don't care what anyone says there are better ways to go about a situation and the narrator was just greedy and selfish in my eyes, as well as Anna.

To make me feel even more disgusted by him, he has a huge picture of his son in his home and who else??? ANNA?!!! I do not know what is wrong with him. It just goes to show how strong our emotions can get and how they can over take us into such a world that we neglect everything else around us and the only thing that may help us snap out of it is the ultimate tragedy!

Damage: Part 1

After reading the first section of Damage, I am at a loss for words. To read about how "happy" the narrator is with his life and what he ends up doing completely surprised me. He is living a good life with a great wife and children. He is an MP and earlier, a doctor. Loved tremendously by his wife, Ingrid and his children Martyn and Sally, he has what I would call a double-affair.

I say "double affair" because the woman with whom he commits such an act with is one by the name of Anna. Anna is the current girlfriend of his son Martyn. Therefore he is not only betraying his wife, but also his son. Hence, the term "double affair". I do not understand how from a short greeting from Anna he says he "was home". That is a very strong thing to say about someone one has just met. 

His wife doesnt like Anna and almost instantly upon meeting her, says that she is strange and not a good match for her son. She says that there is just something about Anna that makes her uneasy and uncomfortable but she just hasnt figured out what it is yet. I myself wondered what is was exactly Ingrid was seeing in Anna. Why was she thinking that Anna was nothing more than bad news for the family and her son? As I read on I realized Anna was exactly what Ingrid expected her to be.... BAD NEWS!!! She has the same attraction to her boyfriends father as he has for her and gives in to temptation. 

As if I couldnt become more angry, when I read about the conversation the narrator has with Anna about who she is and where shes from, I became extremely enraged and my heart went out to Martyn and Ingrid even more. She admits that her brother committed suicide due to the confusion of the feelings he had for her as well as his deep love for her. She also says that her paremts are divorced due to an affair her mother had. She explains thst due to these events that have occurred in her life she is....Damaged! And she says that "Damaged people are dangerous" and that he should be careful! She says that people that are damaged have no pity for anyone because with everything they have been thtough they know that life goes on even during the worst of times.

I became angry after reading this convetsation because it showed that Anna didnt care that she was indirectly hurting Ingrid, Martyn and possibly the entire family structure. Of course, they werent hurting yet because they do not know about the affair. However, when they do find out no form of an apology will come from Anna. The narrator knows what he is doing isnt right but just cant control temptation however Anna does not feel the least bit ashamed of herself!

My heart goes out to Ingrid and Martyn because they have done nothing to deserve such heartache. Anna is the type of woman that drives men to become "players" and "cheaters" because once they want to settle down and their partner betrays them they feel that its not worth ever falling in love again. Ingrid looks to her husband for support about her feelings towards Anna and yet all of her feelings about her are not only right but her husband can guve her proof as to why they are...proof that will probably catch her completely off-guard and send her off of the edge!                                                                   

Dolores...or shall I call you Lolita?

After reading Lolita I had to pick my jaw up from the floor. My feelings are utter disgust after finishing the reading. The fact that H. is attracted to Lolita, a 12 year old little girl. The thing that “sparked” his interest in young girls was when his childhood sweetheart died. I feel like by reading about H’s feelings I was, in some sense, defending him. I don’t agree with his way of thinking or feeling and therefore why should I continue to read about his feelings towards Lolita. Lolita’s real name is Dolores but he gives her the nickname Lolita. He moves into her home and spends all of his time watching and writing about her. He cant seem to keep his mind off of this young, innocent little girl. If he was in todays world, he would be locked up as he rightfully deserves to be. Men like this are dangerous and should not be around children. He becomes so attracted to this young girl that it makes me want to jump into the pages and slap him. It’s sad to be able to get into the mind of men like “H” because it just makes me hate people like him more. The thing that is even more sad is that there are many men and women that have these thoughts in our neighborhoods about young children and the fact that they can’t control or get rid of it is scary.

Love & Limerence

Tennov says Limerence enters your life at a pleasant time. He says that it can be an aold friend that you now see in a new light. Or a new person that has just entered your life but has already made a significant impact on you. He says it has to do with romantic feelings that develop for another person unconsciously. It has to do with strong feelings that can lead to obsession and or infatuation of another person. I interpreted this as the feelings one gets once they realize they are attracted to someone. Anything can trigger a feeling of limerence: eye contact, a friendly hello from another person, a smile or just the person being within eye-sight can trigger these feelings. I feel like limerence is what sparks ones interest to possibly eventually pursue another person. When I first met my boyfriend he was just a friend. Both being in other relationships I never imagined starting our own relationship. However, I found myself thinking about him often when my ex-boyfriend and I separated. He made me feel like I was on top of the world just by smiling in my direction and saying hello. I was constantly thinking “oh he noticed me?” and it made me want to find out more about him. Once we made our relationship official I felt even more drawn to him and he was all I could think about at all hours of the day. I believe that everyone experiences feelings of limerence and the way we react to these feelings is what eventually sparks something more than what we are already feeling.

Obsessive sex and love

This chapter paints a very interesting picture of sex compared the image people now put out. Davis says that relationships were able to go on without sex unlike now where that is all many of them are based on. Many people look at sex as an "activity". However, they should look at it as a form of expressing ones love for another. Instead too many people abuse it and feel that relationships cannot go past a certain point without sex involved. Yes it is good for one to express their love and appreciation for another through it but, there are other ways to do so. I myself feel that a relationship can last but both people involved need to be 100% devoted to the relationship. Sex today is seen everywhere: tv, magazines, music, everywhere. All we can do is take what we want from the activity instead of following the crowd. In my opinion we should cherish it because it should be cherished as a sacred act of expressing ones devotion for another.

Triangulating Love

Triangulating Love breaks down relationships for us to better understand them and their structure. Sternberg describes one triangle as having three components: Intimacy, Passion and Decision/Commitment. Intimacy has to do with the closeness that the two people in the relationship have for one another. Passion has to do with physical expression such as sex. Decision and Commitment has to do with short and long-term decisions and choices. This has to do with keeping the person near us and doing whatever it takes to keep them in our lives because we now admit that we love them.

                  He then breaks down the three components even furthur into the "kinds of love" as different combinations. Many people could relate to "Infatuated Love". I say this because a lot of people say they have experienced "love at first sight" which is exactly what infatuated love is. However we all hope for "Consummate Love" because it has all three components. It can be difficult to attain but once we have acheived it, it can be the greatest feeling in the world.

The Posession

I can relate to this reading 100%. In this passage we learn about a woman that is dealing with trying to accept the fact that her ex has moved on to anohter. I feel that other than myself many people can relate to this reading because we have or will have all been through a tough breakup at one time or another. When we find out that our exes have moved on to another person we sit and wonder and begin to ask ourselves "what is wrong with me?" "what did I do wrong?" "Why does he/she love him/her more than me?". This is the same thing the woman deals with in the reading. Whether we are the "dumper" or the "dumpee" such actions take over us. At first we feel that leaving our partner is whats best for us. But after we see that they are happy we feel regret and guilty and wonder why it is they are so happy. We then become consumed with the want for the ex to return to our lives and we look for answers and sometimes closure which may never really heal the wound. We also begin to wonder why we arent as happy as they are and why are we being punished and they arent. Reading this really made me tear up because it is something I have been through and it is not a good feeling at all. But, time heals all wounds and in the end we become stronger people and can evetually move on with our lives.